I'm feeling so exhausted and defeated + Progesterone versus Progestin

I'm trying really hard to keep on top of everything but my health is just totally up the creek now.  

I was walking around this huge hardware store and feeling like all the lights and the merchandise was jumping at me.  I kept squinting and wondering how much more I had to endure.  I had so much to do and even though I don't feel I'm going to pass out anymore, I feel really really exhausted.

Trouble is people don't have a lot of patience with exhaustion, especially this kind where a cup of coffee simply cannot shake it off.  

My expression is weird too.  I kind of stare blankly ahead of me as if no one else is there.  I know there are people there but I don't even have the energy to exchange glances.  I have no interest in others, I think: child, dog, plant, road, car, file, paper, tired, so tired....

The world seems like this incredibly fast and greedy machine where everyone is screaming silently at each other 'give me bigger, better, faster stuff'.  Everyone seems consumed in this relentless march to progress.

Funny how progress still means you get stuck in traffic, it still means you queue up for ages, it still means you have no time for anything, not even your toe nails!

I'm really angry at all the mess I see around me.  I'm angry at litter, confusion, noise, empty buildings, angry motorists, racists, bigots, snobs, big-heads, inferior people, drunk people, drugged people, vain people, selfish people, nosy people.  People who think they own the road and people who own nothing and think you owe them.  I hate rich people in their cocoons and I hate poor people in filth.  I hate political people whose lives are dominated by the next election and I hate apathetic people that cannot be bothered to think political policies through.  Most of all, I hate myself for being ill and exhausted.

Anyway, enough about all of that.

I've been researching Progesterone versus Progestin.

First off, there is unfortunately a hell of a lot of confusion about the two and most annoyingly their names are mistakenly used interchangeably.

This is WRONG and I admit that even I've been guilty of mixing the terms up.

So once you realise that people are confused about them and swap them round as if it doesn't matter, then you see how so much rubbish is written about Progesterone (pure), when actually they mean Progestin (fake).

Its a shame that with all our years of learning and all our literature, people just play Chinese Whispers with key facts and consequently, undeserving victims of the mess, continue their lives in inadvertent ignorance. 

Fact: Progesterone, the natural hormone, is highly beneficial to both men and women to balance the bad effects of too much oestrogen (aka unopposed oestrogen - now referred to Oestrogen Dominance).

Fact: Progestin is a synthetic, laboratory created imitation of the real thing, that is patented, highly controversial and downright dangerous to our health.

Guess what, I'm taking Progestin!

Why: because it was given to me along with Pregnant Horse's Urine in the form of HRT.

Did I question it then: no.

Do I regret that now: yes.

Do I think my migraines are the result of taking Progestin: YES!

Do I want to discontinue HRT: not if the migraines are sorted out.  

The big cheese on Progesterone bio-identical Cream is Dr J Lee.  I'd like to read his book, but unfortunately its not yet available on Kindle.  Shame, because I'm not going to buy anymore hard copy books, as I've literally run out of space.  

So, what I'm discovering so far is that you can take Plant Derived Progesterone Cream with HRT, but only with a view to discontinuing HRT within around 3 months.  You're advised NOT to take Progestin HRT at the same time as taking transdermal natural Progesterone.

How much transdermal Progesterone is absorbed by the skin is disputed.  I've read that chemicals that enter via the skin are made 10 times stronger this way, as they by-pass the liver.  

Progestins (fake Progesterone) that are taken orally, on the other hand, are attacked by the liver, where two things happen.  One is that most of it is destroyed, hence you can end up Progesterone deficient (like little old me), the other is that what does survive the liver onslaught, is chemically altered by so doing, and you end up with some that's OK for you but also another part that is classed as a really nasty chemical by-product, that's dangerous to our health e.g. high blood pressure etc.

It all makes for fascinating reading which I must complete before I return to my private doctor - whose practice has moved to bigger, better, faster premises...

I bet his fees have gone up and I also bet he thinks I need more blood work?

Considering that private blood work is around £400, he's got another thing coming.  I feel like saying to him "look mate, my perimenopausal symptoms have led me to pay you BIG money to sort them out, in fact I reckon I must have contributed to at least one of your new floors of space (lol), give me Progesterone Cream 100mg or I'll kick your weighing scales!!!".  (I wish).

It will probably be more like this (him to me): "Did you leave your husband?  Did you euthanise your dog?  Did you lose any weight?  Have you any new symptoms and lets do some much needed blood work!"