Started a new book + feeling weird

Our dog's condition has stabilised, so he's going to stay where he is, we love him dearly.  We managed to have a major family discussion about it and decided we have to completely change the way we live, in order to keep him calm and thriving.  Dementia is so tied-up with anxiety, that if the patient becomes anxious, we've observed, its very difficult, thereafter, to calm them down.  In dogs, often this seems to lead to a chaotic outcome!

My own health has improved, but is a little strange at the present time.

I forgot to mention, that during my last (disgusting) migraine, I felt I was going to pass out, twice.  My legs just gave way and the second time, I remember I had turned quickly and momentarily blacked out. I didn't take any notice of these symptoms, as I was feeling so completely washed out anyway.  

And now I find my tummy is still out of order - 2 weeks later!    This may not be as strange as it sounds, considering I'm taking two lots of magnesium in tablet form now, morning and evening.

This is just what they warn you about when you take increased doses of magnesium in this form, that you'll more than likely, visit the bathroom a lot more!!

The trouble with me though, is that I don't think my tummy has fully recovered since my last headache - or was it a tummy bug?- and that was, notably, before I increased my dose??

I'm am a person that can put up with quite lot of stomach disorder, but migraines are just too painful.

So, the good thing is, that all residue of previous migraine pain has gone, but unfortunately, my guts are in a terrible state.  

My tummy is so bad that I've noticed that every time I have an uncomfortable sensation from my lower intestines, I get a momentary shooting pain straight to the site of previous migraine pain?

Its quite frightening, but entirely isolated.  I've also noticed that it happens more noticeably if I'm lying on one of my sides, but I can't remember which?  

The other thing that I noticed is that, a visit to the bathroom means I will feel very 'depressed' for about 2 hours afterwards?  This is very strange indeed, because usually relief from tummy trouble makes us feel hugely better?  (Reading further into that, turns out that 95% of serotonin is made in the gut, so it figures that after evacuating those stores, I should feel extremely low.)

Something is happening to me, and I don't really know the cause of it?  I'm pretty worried that addressing my magnesium deficiency has brought, other, more deep seated abnormalities to light, perhaps??

So, because I've been so ill recently, I decided to just slow everything right down and try and reduce the stress in my life as much as I possibly can, or at least stop taking on anymore new stress.

Quite often my job takes me out of town, the furthest I have to go is 180 miles, round trip, but sometimes, it seems, I can be in the car for about 2 weeks, or more, with few breaks for refreshment and shared driving.

My DH and I work together, and our dog is usually included on these journeys.  I don't think this system is going to work for us anymore but I'm determined not to make myself ill wondering how we shall cope!

My DH loves his dog to bits and typical of men, he doesn't seem to have really thought through how we are going to manage the dog's increased medical problems, and our responsibilities?  (Getting along with men is very strange at the best of times, they just think differently to us!)

Interestingly, I'm now reading a much more 'academic' book on migraine called:

Migraine (Neurological Disease and Therapy)

Much longer, and a lot more expensive than the average Kindle offering, I'm being richly rewarded for the investment.

Pages in Kindle format are not numbered, as you know, so after reading about 7% of the book, I came across an observation that mingled with earlier ideas I had about what could possibly be really wrong with me:

"vasovagal syncope" is mentioned several times in this book.

Remember, I said I thought my Vagus Nerve was 'over-sensitive' in an earlier post...

I should mention, I've had IBS in the past and I wouldn't be surprised if this vagus nerve sensitivity was a permanent result of that year-long illness.  I cross-referenced IBS causes again and found that stress or a single stressful event can cause IBS, and lead to ongoing hypersensitivity to pain and inflammation.  That seems to make a lot a sense to how I'm feeling now.  I cannot rule out that I'm actually having an IBS relapse, either...  

I take FeverFew for general inflammation issues (e.g. dry eyes and headache), and I take magnesium to smooth out my nerves, plus I take Rhodiola Rosea to boost my serotonin.  This leaves stress as the only thing I cannot seem to address.

Vagal Tone is the term you hear most often associated with arrhythmia and chronic depression.  I'm still looking into all of that.  'Vagus Nerve stimulation' seems to be the thing now, but frankly, I think I would prefer to cough a little to wake it up, if it needs waking...  

The other thing I noticed about my mental state (for that I mean, nerve health, energy levels, outlook and mood) at the present time is, I'm feeling suicidal again.

Please don't be alarmed, I doubt very much I will ever do it, but when things are out of whack, I think about it quite often.  Stress is just a thing I cannot seem to control, it just comes flying at me and suicide (in my mind) is a solution to all that pain.

It turns out that suicide victims have something in common, and that is that they tend to have a lot more serotonin receptors in the brain than average folk.  That doesn't mean they make more serotonin, but it clearly means the brain expects more.      

When I read this, I understood my feelings of suicide much better.  Basically, I will never be able to make the amount of serotonin that my brain expects, of if I do, I will only manage it momentarily - happiness is a fleeting thing, after all! - but my wanting to be happier and my despair at not ever being able to get there, probably has a physiological basis in my design?  

Once, I planned my suicide down to every last detail.  I had even pin-pointed the day.  As it approached and my preparations were in place, I thought finally about the incredible mess all that blood would cause and decided the carpets were more important than my so-called 'solution'....needless to say, I struggled on.  

I fully recognise that suicide is a pattern of thinking that I get into when things are particularly bad but it does not mean I will ever do it, just that, for some very strange reason, I think about it a lot.  I have absolutely no delusions of dramatic impact or self-importance issues.  Suicide is selfish, extremely hurtful to loved ones and just plain old wrong, most of the time....