I was so ill recently

I was incredibly ill two weeks ago.  It was devastating.  

I couldn't do anything for 2 days before the humdinger of a migraine, then for the 3 days it gripped me, then for another 2 whole days afterwards.  In fact, my head and scalp were so sore for ages after that, in desperation, I decided to step-up my dosage of magnesium to 800mg a day, with the addition of two B6 tablets.

Important differences about this last migraine

Strangely, this last one was unconnected to my cycle and  purely a result of a MASSIVE amount of totally uncontrollable and hideous stress, that I'd been expecting would happen in the next few months, but had no idea of the suddenness of the situation.

I was literally taken by storm and so were my nerves!

I always knew, no amount of medication was ever going to protect me from that inevitable emotional upset, as its been on the horizon for 12 months, or more.

Basically a member of our family, our darling dog, of almost 15 years, has dementia.  So two weeks ago we were cruising along and suddenly, his condition became a lot worse.  We had to have that BIG conversation that you eventually do, about pets.  It was awful, just awful!  I cried and cried and just fell apart.  

Because the whole thing was so depressing and I could feel my head starting to complain with all the pressure, I remember things started to form a weird, somehow familiar pattern, that I hadn't really appreciated as being typical precursors to a migraine attack?

1.  The first thing I noticed was I got really depressed and was crying a lot.  Crying usually gives me headaches, but this time my eyes were like taps that just poured for about 14 hours solid!  (You might think that was totally self-indulgent and it serves me right, but I dearly wanted to stop.)

2.  Then I noticed I was talking really fast.  In itself, this isn't usually detrimental to me, but combined with emotional topics, this can lead to my head throbbing uncontrollably.

3.  Then I noticed I was incredibly thirsty and had probably drunk as much as a glass of water every 30 minutes?  Until I realised I had to stop this, as it was going to give me another 'electrolyte crisis', especially in regard to salt.  

4.  Then I noticed my neck was incredibly stiff.  I started to rotate it and try this and that to relieve the pressure, but that's when I realised that the neck discomfort was not from anything I had consciously done, e.g. bad posture or concentrating over work for too long.

5.  Then I realised I was having sugar cravings.    

6.  Then I woke up the next day with one of the worst headaches of my entire life.  It was just AWFUL, truly, truly awful.  Again, ostensibly beyond the scope of human endurance.

7.  Then my sense of taste went out the window.

8.  Then my right thigh became really cold and would not heat up.

9.  I took soluble paracetamol (500mg) but couldn't take the migraine medication the doctor had given me because the headache had started during the night - as usual.  The other big mistake I made was that I ran out of ice.  There was some left, but not enough to kill the headache dead.  So it lingered for 3 whole days.  I was a zombie, a wreck, I wanted to die...  

10.  Then I got the most awful diarrhoea you can imagine,  like, every 15 minutes!!  I was absolutely terrified, freezing cold, shaking, crying, my head stabbing me with the sensation of 8 maniacal little dwarves with pickaxes going at my inner and outer cranium.  I said to myself, 'if one day in the future I have to die like this, with my damn head screaming at me and my guts down the toilet, I'm going to Switzerland, for sure!'  

The diarrhoea lasted about 6 hours.  But the headache continued for another 2 days!  It would kind of subside, then pop back up with a vengeance.  I counted at least 5 spots around my head that were killing me, you just couldn't touch them without my jumping out of my seat.  

I was so altered by the whole experience I started to stick sharp, cold objects up my nose?  I'm not sure where I read that that could help?  But honestly, by that stage if you'd told me to truss myself up like a shoulder of lamb and cook myself in a pizza oven for 45 minutes, I think I would have - lol!  

So, I don't really know what happened to me?  Did I catch a bug and a migraine resulted?  Was it just a horrible coincidence?  Or am I just falling apart with the stress of it all???

Because I'd read that book I mentioned last time, (see last post) I knew that my decision (about the dog) was striking at one of the core views I have of myself and turning the decision over and over, discussing ad infinitum implications of this and that and blah blah blah, cremations, holes in gardens, who's going to dig the whole?  Where do we pile the soil?  How much longer, is he in pain?  Do we tell so and so? etc etc.......  

I'm not saying reading that book suggested an interpretation of my problems, I'm saying that I'm the one pushing to have the dog euthanised, sooner, rather than later, and this is giving me a terrible crisis of conscience.

Its a very difficult decision and I feel totally alone in making it.  The burden is incredibly heavy on my soul, it is just AWFUL, really really awful.

I have to go, because I'm scared of more pain.

So now I'm taking 800mg of magnesium and after 36 hours, the residual pain from this last migraine is finally subsiding.  

I don't want to type anymore.  I don't want to think.